It was just another morning I had awoken, my fiancé laid in bed as I opened the blinds to receive the morning sun. The glass that separated me from the elements was holding back mother nature’s frozen heart. As I stared ominously at the street below watching the nameless people embark on their daily commute a flame ignited inside, I could feel the powerful ball of hells fire rage from my spine towards my brain. At first, I stood confused, still as a statue I wondered what is this, for its been a lifetime since I’ve felt this unjustified rage pulse my veins so to pinpoint an ignition of the source became the only goal. Before long I came to an understanding of what was boiling, it wasn’t I was robbed, it wasn’t that I had stubbed my toe moving furniture across the godforsaken living room, no something far more sinister had occurred, something so uncalled for and so out of character its presence will be burned in my mind for all eternity, I’m speaking of course about the threats my fiancé had issued me about one of the things I cherish most my canoe suitably named white lightenin. You see I had purchased this amusement vessel when I had first moved to my homemade from aluminum provided from the gods from an ancient time, this was no ordinary flotation device. The countless adventures that myself and my noble friend endured are that of legend, Apollo had his chariot I had white lightening.
On our drive down to D.C this past weekend we had discussed many things regarding our future together from our children’s future and their dreams to the sale of houses and of course when and where our next vacation will be. Throughout the love and laughter, I had a sneaking suspicion and regrettably, I asked one question, this question’s answer had undeniably torn through the very fabric of my soul, like a mug thrown against a wall my feelings shattered and left vulnerable on the floor. That question you’re wondering was 5 simple words picked out randomly and placed together to form a sentence, What’s on your mind love. Silence swarmed the car through a minimum of 4 miles as she gazed at me then as I was about to muster up the courage to ask again she spoke. Her voice broke the barrier and with its thunderous tone had admitted to me that she did not care for White Lightenin’s looks. Therefore whatever or wherever the future held us, White Lightenin would not be a welcome guest out in the open, and would preferably be stored at another location. As her words echoed throughout my head my fingers gripped the steering wheel tighter and tighter everything I’ve learned in therapy every book I have read was grossly challenged could I remain calm I asked myself would we survive…. after a moment of silence I spoke in a frail fragile voice I said ok babe sure, remembering the saying my forefathers had taught me, happy wife happy life. This had come rushing back to me like the great tsunami that hit Japan in March of 2011, I turned around ever so slightly to see her smiling face and loving eyes, good morning my love she had spoken how’d you sleep, without a word I approached the dresser the holiday in provided for us, searching for an answer, there it was a giant original flavored slim Jim known for its tangy herbs and mysterious spices I had purchased from Wawa the night prior for our trip. As I picked it off the cold mahogany I knew what must be done, this unopened treat was my last line of defense against the tyrant that lay in bed. I cradled this delightful delicacy of doom as I approached, my heartbeat echoing with every step, in one quick move I acted, the devil lay there protected by holiday inns freshly cleaned goosedown comforter surprise was on my side. Like a clergyman battling a possession, I tore away the sheets of fabric flipping Satan over. By mornings light I swore that I will defend all that is, I struck bang the first hit was a fatal blow sending the demon on a frantic spiral of confusion bang I struck again this time immobilizing said beast to a fetal position with one last act of defiance she screamed an ear-piercing plea for help, roaring to the underworld she begged for mercy, I paused as this monster helplessly wept, feeling remorseful a tear rolled from my eye as I go to lay down my weapon the demon smiled, bang I struck once more, this time I held my future wife close as the evil spirit vacated her body… my love she spoke softly overcome with a joyous feeling, we laid in bed I had told her about what had happened thank God you were here she replied IDK what I’d do. After that we skipped merely to the Lincoln memorial I looked honest Abe in the eyes and he looked in my soul an understanding between man and spirit we had a moment, to defend freedom at all costs. White Lightenin is the last hope for humanity and a savior to all. Cheers to a summer in the sun old friend!
