Time is an illusion It’s been 6 months since you had said farewell, we were not ready but you were, I could tell. I see you in my dreams here and there, frozen in time except you have hair.
Always smiling and laughing that’s nothing new, there’s not a moment that passes where I don’t miss you. I spend my days thinking and wishing you were still here with me, running playing, and adventuring free. I’ve been writing a lot mostly about you, letting the world read the fight you went through. The days we beat the odds and broke the rules, like when I taught you to fly and mom said I was a fool. There were so many times you and I caused trouble, the doctors said you couldn’t walk but dad busted their bubble.
Our antics at the hospital were legendary and always filled with laughter, I just wasn’t prepared to face the life coming after. When I think about you it takes everything I have not to cry, I always promised you I would be by your side. We sang our songs as an act of defiance as loud as we could, I knew it wouldn’t last forever this I understood. I remember when you weren’t in the greatest of health, and daddy told you to tell the doctors to go fuck themselves. I tried to teach you to find your voice, it was your life on your terms you had a choice. Nothing could prepare me for that choice you would make, telling me no more dad I began to break. A flood of pride and fear had washed over me, you found your voice but you would bring me to my knees. I knew what this meant God you were so young, I was so pissed off cause the cancer finally won. As those days went by you were strong and without fear, I knew deep down the end was near. We did what we could, made as many memories as possible, your favorite part was there was no more hospital. You were the happiest child I’ve ever known unless you were yelling at your brothers to leave you alone.
In 6 months’ time so much has changed, I rest my head easy knowing you’re no longer in pain. This is what I convince myself every single day, that you’re without pain and hopefully, mine will go away. My darling daughter, I envy you so much, your courage was remarkable you didn’t use cancer as a crutch. Your art fills my heart and also the walls, I look at it always, especially if I start to fall. Your brothers and sister miss you too, life hasn’t been the same here without you. We ran we played baby girl you gave em hell, and now I’m left here with stories to tell.
I promised myself writing this I wouldn’t be sad I would try my best to make them laugh. I could go on and on about all the things we did, I’m writing a book mostly about you kid. Our adventures, our love, your impact on me, it’s about time I decided to let the world see. I’m hoping our journey could inspire those that need it, when we meet again I will let you read it.
6 months have passed and not a day goes by where I don’t scream I love you up to the sky. You inspired myself and others too, no one fought harder than you. It wasn’t all hell I must admit, we had a lot of fun we refused to quit. The doctors would hear us laugh nonstop and rush in, they knew our mischief had cost them again. Mom would come up and get an ear full that was her part, cause daddy thought the machine could clean up sand art. I taught you how to skate on an iv pole, I didn’t know it would fall our laughter could not be controlled. The snowball fight in the hospital room, mom was laughing we needed a broom. The extra-large glove water balloon, you dropped it on purpose and flooded out the room. The time we escaped and ran to play hide and seek, security found us they were not happy with me. I’m laughing so hard right now as I write, thinking about the male nurse I tried to fight. He swore that he would do it again until I threatened to break both his hands. No one would hurt you I swore I wouldn’t allow it, we laughed as they cried and they threw a fit.
We conquered the world you and I that’s why it killed me to say goodbye. Goodbye sounded so permanent so I choose to say, see you later baby girl we’ll be together someday. 6 months had passed and it feels like yesterday but it also feels like forever, will I ever understand this probably never. I’ll continue telling the world until everyone knows, you were a hell of a human your name is Lily Rose.
I won’t stop searching for answers in this world of confusion, I fully understand that time is an illusion.
