It’s been brought to my attention that many of you do not know what it means to help Harold or why he’s so important so I want to shed some light.
Harold is my uncle well frankly my savior, on March 23rd, 1965 a young Harold entered this world naked and alone he strived for excellence. It is not a coincidence that on April 6, 1965, the first commercial communications satellite launched. This was the United States’ first attempt to monitor ‘the’ Harold.
As a young lad he was always into mischief, that time he dug up all Mrs. Oliver’s prize petunias, or when he stole old man Carlson’s Chevy just to joy ride through town casting eggs on his unsuspecting victims, a badass he was labeled and a folk hero he would become.. by his mid to late teens he had already skipped several grades at the local learning institution and had thought of the concept what we now call the empanada. He would use this fame and fortune only to benefit mankind.
Who built the pyramids? Harold!
Who invented shopping carts? Harold!, the incandescent light bulb Harold again.
He kept his success a secret to those who know him but if you look through history you will see he was there. I asked him politely if I could start an organized religion around the man we know and love and unfortunately, he has not gotten back to me. Harold has become my spiritual advisor just like when I order a pizza he taught me ‘one with everything is best’. I’ve watched this man shake hands with politicians and kiss baby’s on the head.
So that is why the #HelpHarold cause was initiated like a bat signal from a lost time it lit up the night sky on the cold April day, only a few of us beckoned the call, but when we arrived we had seen this noble hero at his wit’s end. His frustrations poured on the asphalt like a drunk who dropped his booze, his emotions would soak the ground. You see there was a war happening in the streets of our beloved community and it fell on Harold’s doorstep. Family, friends, and town officials all had pleaded for Harold’s safety… we obliged. They may have won the battle but we certainly won the war.
A few years had passed since these tragic events of 2018 but every year from March to June we celebrate in paying homage to a man whose given his love to the world. Harold is the Hylander and I’m hoping he doesn’t get mad from this disclosure. So if you see him at your local water hole do not approach just lift your 12oz high and shout praise to this brave soul. Tell him you’re here to help.
I thank you all for your time and understanding. Bless you!
If you have questions concerns or want to know when the next fan club meeting is please do not hesitate to contact me.
Until then just ask yourself WWHD?
