After all this time she finally was ready to make amends, I have not forgotten the things she said or did to stab me in the back with the biggest dagger the world has ever seen. The awful hateful messages she spread about you but I’m a forgiving man and even though it was a tough pill to swallow I swallowed it and accepted this peace offering.
It all started a few months back during intense interrogations, I was minding my own business when a demon had possessed my fiancé and transformed her into this violent creature that’s sole purpose was to dismantle my keepsakes. White Lightenin at the time was on the chopping block with a final destination to the scrap yard. I could not sit back and not do anything so a mini exorcism was performed.. I thought that was it. I had vanquished this demon and put it in the past like a tooth the tooth fairy had misplaced under my pillow but for some reason found a permanent home in my dresser drawer for 30 years… simply put I forgot about it.
Life went by, time progressed as it should have, the seasons came and went, I had watched the snow melt away making room for spring to arrive, all was well. Then things started to change day to day. I spoke to her about all the adventures that were in store for us in the vessel given to me by the Gods. At first, I was met with smiles and laughter but then over dinner one evening in March her smiles had turned into a stare. We locked eyes for what felt like an eternity then she spoke ” Remember that thing is not coming home”. I, of course, smiled thinking she was talking about my eldest son, and happily replied, “oh don’t worry he showered today. In a stern voice said ” No that ALUMINUM ASSHOLE you call a canoe. WHAT??!!! 1st of white lightenin has a name and therefore has a soul, what is happening before I spoke in defiance I caught a glimpse. Her eyes turned as black as midnight as she cut her avocado toast and as the fork came within millimeters of her mouth her fangs had pierced through her gums revealing the monster that lay in the depths of her. In compliance, I nodded my head yes for I could not allow this otherworldly creature to know I was on to it. We finished our meal and proceeded to make our way home.
During our 20 min drive, I broke the silence and asked if we could go on a walk near the lake she happily obliged. Five min from our destination I got the sneaking suspicion that she was on to me. I turned on the Radio to delay the questions, with her head bopping and shouting the lyrics to Holiday Road I put a plan in place. When we arrived I exited the vehicle with haste I knew it wouldn’t be long before Satan would reveal himself so I had to act quickly. I ran to the waterfall’s edge and shouted hurry look at this…. as she made her way my heartbeat was echoing off the trees that surrounded us.” You seem nervous” she said I stood still only pointing to the water below. As she crept closer to take a peak she had let go of the safety railing to grab her phone for light to gaze upon what lay below. Opportunity had just presented itself and I alone responded. With a 5ft gap between us, I ran with my arms straight out in front making contact with her sending her tumbling to the water below. As her body broke the water a scream was heard almost the equivalent of a jet engine with a loose belt squeaking and screeching through the night sky. Fuck this wasn’t over I thought. With every ounce of energy left I jumped, I jumped off the top of the falls just like when Hulk Hogan jumped off the top rope at Wrestlemania so many years before. With a swift calculated leg drop, we sank to the bottom. The air bubbles race past us like little beacons of light headed for the surface.
The water was cold and still, no noise, no movements, just a stillness that felt like forever. As my internal clock counted down as if I was Sonic the Hedgehog a timer was counting down my demise. With all the strength and courage I had left I swam picking up the lifeless body that lay at the bottom. Under each arm, I grasped tight kicking off the bottom as if I was Michael Phelps and my Gold Medal was at the surface. As we broke the barrier of the water she let out this awful scream and black smoke poured from her lungs. With one hand under her head and another under her legs, I watched in awe as this heinous monster evacuated her body. I waded through the water to the shoreline laying her body in the sand.
God forgive me I shouted as I slammed her chest trying to restart the life cycle. Her breathing was shallow at first, began to become more consistent, her eyes cracked open mirroring the stars that rest above. “Babe what happened she whimpered”, it feels like a dream. A brief smile crossed my face and I guided her back to the warmth of the car. She then disclosed to me how the past couple of days she wasn’t feeling right and thought she just couldn’t wake from this nightmare. Of course, I explained in detail the excruciating hell I had endured and how this all came to be… hugging my arm she closed her eyes only whispering I love you as we drove home.
The next few days came and went I could tell something wasn’t right, she told me she feels so bad for all the pain she caused and wanted to make it up to me. I assured her that I was indeed ok and that I was just happy things were back to normal and she was finally back to her old self. Sheepishly she walked to the closet presenting me with 3 gifts. She said she thought long and hard and knew exactly how to make amends.
Gift number 1 was a David Hasselhoff quote book about his life of awesomeness.
Number 2 was aPennywise the clown figurine to grace my dashboard, and finally,
Number 3 is a Nicholas Cage face imprinted throw pillow with sequins. I gratefully accepted this lovely gesture for I knew they resembled…
THE FATHER, THE SON, and THE HOLY SPIRIT. ……. God Bless!
