This was the last art piece Lily had made for me. Leading up to her gifting me this things were not the greatest, each and every day she worked on it little by little with whatever energy she had left. At the time hospice was in our lives and between mom, dad, family, and a few close friends we took shifts trying to balance everything, (work, kids, emotions, life, etc.). Each day I would come I’d hear her say hold on dad don’t come up here yet, and then a few minutes would pass and she’d greet me at the top of the stairs. For a while, I wondered what she was doing when I’d ask she roll her eyes and say mind your business.
As the days went by this was a rinse and repeat situation, I had learned just to roll with it. Before our lives got flipped upside down she greeted me and said give me your hands and close your eyes and stressed that peeking was forbidden her tone of voice hinted that there would be swift punishment if I had broken these rules and did not listen to her tiny command. Led away hand in hand threw an endless corridor (literally 5ft away) that same stern but sweet voice said “Now sit, and your eyes best be closed”. Not wanting to piss off the boss I obliged. In my hands she placed this canvas face down “Now open” she said. Of course, when my eyes glanced down I cracked a joke “Wow Lil what a lovely blank canvas” this little girl was not amused. With her hands now resting on her hips and a stare that shook me to the core, she rolled her eyes and asked ” You done dad” I nodded my head but stayed silent for this mini human could defeat the mightiest of foes like her predecessor Medusa her eyes see your fears and made your soul cower in humiliation.
As I turned it over my jaw dropped and tears ran down my face, the flood of emotions was beyond indescribable looking at the picture my mind was rapidly trying to find an explanation around it. Was this my baby girl hiding from the light? Was she begging for protection from the rainbow? It’s crazy what extent my mind races to sometimes in mere fractions of seconds. I picked my heavy head up and looked at her smiling face and all I could say was “baby girl I love it, it’s beautiful then followed with millions of hugs and kisses. Her smile stretched from ear to ear she informed me she had seen it somewhere and had to paint it for me, I told her I would keep it always, she said ” Do you know why I painted it for you”…. my mind went on a spiral cause I knew whatever she was about to say was going to completely devastate me this isn’t the first time her words and speeches would break me.
I couldn’t speak so instead I shook my head like a child no… pointing to the picture she said ” Just because you hide from happiness dad, doesn’t mean it isn’t there” as you could imagine speechless… I pulled her in and hugged her tighter than ever. I do believe her grandmother at this point had walked away I could hear her muffled sobs from the other room.
This painting will stay with me always, this painting will find a home on my body so every day I can remember.
My daughter was an amazing artist and wise beyond her years, the most loving kid who put the world’s happiness before her own and I’ll always be grateful she allowed me to be her dad.
